~*blossoms_stoned…

Hello folks. How are you guys? Have you all been good while I was away? Seems like ages since I’ve updated but it’s only been a month, really. With all the time that had passed, you’ll think my head’s all cleared and sorted by now? Not. The past month has been one of physical and emotional drain. Physical because I’d been working weekends nonstop since mid October right till mid December, but the weekends aren’t the killer. The most taxing days has been the week before MPO takes a break about 2 weeks back. Imagine 12 concerts crammed into 2 weeks. I was literally working day and night for that couple of weeks.

As much as I hate to admit it, it has definitely taken a toll on my lil ol being, and this break was a very welcomed one especially knowing that I’ve done my best and I deserved it. That was the physical part. Mentally, I was pretty knocked out too. I can’t really recall exactly why or what I’ve gone through mentally and emotionally but I know I was out. I was stressed out to the max.

I knew it wasn’t caused by my job(s) – sometimes I think my stuffed monkey can do my day job, like seriously. My conclusion that it has to be financial, and just life in general. It’s like you’re already doing everything you can to make life better, or the best that you can, but it still sucks. It doesn’t really help either by going on Grey’s Anatomy marathons.

Don’t get me wrong, I love love love the series. I think it may be one of the best scripted series ever, lots of very identifiable crisis, the characters’ takes on life that really hits you hard and all but it sure as hell depresses you after a while. I could go on and quote so many lines that Meredith uttered that so hits the spot, but one stands out was that “Life was not supposed to be this hard.”, but it is. It is very very hard. Maybe it’s our own doing, maybe it’s the expectations of the society, I dunno. What I do know is that, it IS that hard, and maybe it IS that much harder for a single woman… I dunno, maybe. Sigh.

Like I said I am already doing the best that I can, so all I can do is just to suck up whatever else beyond my control, I guess.

I think this may be the most “serious” new year’s blog I’ve written over the years. My new year’s eve entries are usually much lighter and optimistic and yada yada - before things crashes and burns a couple of days later, but this year… I am just lucky if the crashing and burning from this year doesn’t spill onto the next.

Sigh. Ok, I’ll have to at least try to be a little optimistic, it is after all the new year’s, so just let me thank god for at least giving me the strength to go through whatever that I had to go through, for getting the parents through the health scares, and last but not least I want to give thanks to the universe for providing abundantly for at least I was not in desperate wants. And now we toast. A toast to a brand new year. A toast to new hopes and a better future. A toast for peace and love and for all that is good for the coming lucky 2008. Cheers!

You know how it is when you have a crush on someone and everything they are or everything that they do just seems… perfect? Lovely feelings those are… but that’s not what I am feeling today. Quite the opposite actually. I am currently still trying to get over the shock of discovering that my crush is not only many, many, many years older than I am – not that age matters here though, especially since he looks like he’s only a couple years older than me (no it’s not that I look old, he looks really young!), but also the fact that he has already a big happy family. He is a daddy. Sobs… major crush to majorly crushed in a day.

Sigh… next.

Yay… working this evening! The people I like seeing are also working…yay…

Nothing much happened the last 24 hours since I’ve posted. I slept pretty early last night, my nose is still so blocked and my voice is still pretty sexy coarse, BUT I get to see them tonight… Yay… yes yes, I am a greedy, greedy girl, can?

Weekend has been pretty much the same as every weekend, except that I am one wisdom tooth short and I’ve gone back to my Asian roots, literally. Gone are my curly curls, gone is the shakira era (hahahha…) and behold my long, straight, glossy hair that makes me look like any of other Chinese girls around :p Why did I do it then? Well, looking generic aside, I was really done with the curls. Thought I’ll go back to having straight hair again, and I must say that, at this very moment, I am quite glad I did it.

What else happened last weekend, let’s see… I got my wisdom tooth out on Saturday morning, went to work Saturday evening. I got assigned to cloakroom, which I didn’t mind since I still had cottons stuffed in my mouth since my tooth thingy was still bleeding, and I looked spastic trying to smile. Thought I’ll be a bit lonely since roomie and another friend weren’t working that night, but turns out Seg and m&m was working, so it wasn’t so bad after all :p (One of you may know who Seg is, but sorry, m&m will never be revealed. haha.)

Sunday. The concert scheduled for Sunday got canceled because some people felt the need to hold a demonstration to submit some memo thingy to the British high comm. here on the unfair ethnic treatment or whatever since the nation’s independence (pardon my lack of knowledge in that dept.) and got the roads leading to the towers closed. There goes my bacon for the day. I don’t normally get bothered with all things politics, unless when it interferes with my bacon, like last Sunday.

Ok, I may not be the most patriotic person around, but what the hell for are you trying to get help(?)/justice(?) from the country that use to colonize your country? Seriously, I just don’t get last Sunday’s riot. I get the previous one. Yes, our government’s corrupt to the point that they are dangling their corruption in front of you and letting you see what they’re doing and you can do nothing about it. Yes, these are lousy mthrfckers, and the people were right to protest, but I can’t help but feel that these people are like puppets, with strings pulled by some clever puppeteers in their own agenda to “bring down” (? not sure if I would go that far…) the current government.

Pardon my naiveté, but aren’t there better ways to protest than on the streets? Like not voting for the current government when the election comes? I mean, yea I hate seeing my hard earn tax money being pocketed like this, but at least I still have good bacon, and a quite good life, and I know that peaceful demonstrations here tend to usually turn ugly with the involvement of certain parties, so pardon my lack of support for all this taking to the streets kind of thing, but I’ll be taking mine to the polls instead. That brings me to another thing, our oppositions here is not that great either, so… sigh, it has to come to the lesser of two evils in the end, I guess.

One more “funny” thing, a once troubled leader who had done time for selling out our country’s info, is now hailed as someone who might give the people a hope for a better, corrupt free future. Seriously…? Sigh… politics schmolitics….

Oh yea, fell sick Sunday night, down with the crazy flu and sore throat thingy. Slept through Monday but still very flu-ish today… wish me well :p

I am going to give rowdy concert goers a rest.

It’s already end of the year. Just 32 days till Christmas, 37 till a brand new year. Makes me wonder where did the big chunk of 2007 go? Time does fly after 30 huh? The 3 of you over 30 people reading this, that I know of :p don’t you agree? Hehe…

I can still remember the last November’s events pretty vividly. Memories of the fun filled (read: torturous… hehe), almost famous and work free week in the box and roaming around the curve after hours, are still fresh in my mind and unfortunately so is cubie’s smile, his tattoos (I find guys with tattoos hot, can? :p) and… well, basically almost everything about him. Ah well…

Anyways, around this time last year, we (we = roomies and I, ok) were already in the midst of planning our Christmas do, our very first one at home. We were excited, and so in the mood for Christmas even about a month before. It was nice. It’s what Christmas supposed to be, I think. It was… nice.

No idea what, or how I’ll be spending Christmas this year though, and the thought of having absolutely no plans at all for it kinda depresses me.

Ah well, we’ll see…

I am at an age where I “should” know where I would be or what I want, career wise, in 5 years time, but I don’t. Is it that bad? Apparently to others it is. I haven’t really been thinking about it in a long time since I am quite alright with the way things are now until yesterday, when I was annoyed asked by The Goggles, who came by for “a chat” - The goggles is this whacked out dude who doesn’t know that I know that he’s been telling this girl that he is hitting on that I like him, just to make himself look better or what, I dunno. I can’t comprehend psychotic minds, but do I loathe the sight of him!.

As I was saying, he asked what my major in college was, and when I told him it was comp. science and mathematics – (yes, I CAN be a mathematician if I wanted to, but I can’t imagine why on earth I would want to? :p No offense to mathematicians! ) he further annoys asked why am I wasting my time here and that I should be somewhere else doing something else better, career wise. How should or does one react to that?

The thing is I know that his opinion is, or must be shared by many, many others and is not necessarily wrong. So, I just smiled. Yes, you have to think of your career, you have to be “someone” after a certain number of years working. You have to have this and that, be this or that… but the thing is that all this are just what the society dictates. What we’ve been taught to follow. Yes, I know it is not wrong for someone to want you to have a better career that leads to better life and the list goes on, but what if I don’t want to follow that scheme of things? What if I am not meant to be apart of the whole corporate ladder climb? I would be dubbed unambitious, that’s what. And that’s not a very nice thing to say about someone is it?

But I guess people will always have an opinion regardless if they know what you are actually doing, or what you’ve got planned out, or that your take home bacon is quite a handsome piece – eventhough I know it will be a significantly bigger piece if I quit here and look for a new job elsewhere, but I am enjoying my time here, and fortunately or unfortunately I am the type who put comfort above the bacon (stupid me huh…), or that the corporate life does nothing to that invisible thing in me call soul, or that having a 2^nd or a 3^rd job doesn’t necessarily means hardship but a fulfillment of another part of you? Nope. People will not see that, and you know what, the people being judged should not bother with them either. I know that it is easier said than done (exhibit A: Me. I am obviously still bothered by it after a day aren’t I?), but in time.

In time I am sure I’ll get immune to all this. Till then I am just going to keep smiling, and nodding in agreement whenever these opinions come my way and just forget about it if i don’t like what I hear. I know I’ll get my own lavish apartment one day, I know I’ll have a comfortable life - actually, that I already have, and I will get to wherever I wanted to go. I just need a little bit more time than the really high flyers to get there, and when I am there, I’ll know that I did it in my own time, comfortably… and happily.

Gosh, I blabbed so much on that that I didn’t have time to bitch about rowdy concert goers last night. Ah well… fortunately, or unfortunately, there’s always tomorrow.

I was a Swan Lake virgin -alright, a ballet virgin to be precise. But I think my ballet cherry (or at least for this particular one) has just been popped, deflated and basically squeezed to a pulp after last weekend. I had watched Swan Lake 3 times, 3 consecutive days and from 3 different corners of the hall. And surprisingly, the most enjoyable was on the 3^rd day, right in front of the stage.

The least pleasant was the first concert. Was assigned to the circle filled by a group of noisy teenage schoolboys on their field trip, who were fidgeting and talking nonstop the whole night. Trust me, a couple of hours of “sshhhhs…..” can be very stressful. What’s worse was their teacher who had the nerve to tell me that “they are just boys, you know, boys are like that. You have sons right? You’d know right?” Idiot.

A) Do I freaking look like I have teenaged sons? prick.

B) If they don’t learn to respect the establishments (of any kind) when they are still “boys”, when the hell are they ever going to learn?

Anyways, I am a Swan Lake convert now. The ballet was superb - eventhough to me, there’s something quite disturbing about men in light colored tights… :p, And the accompanying live orchestra by our philharmonic musicians was… absolutely fantastic (I am quoting a guest). Seriously, they’re hot. Geeky, yes - and some more so than others, but anyone who makes beautiful music like that - hot.

Love, love, love it.

Oh yea, didn’t make it for the dinner & drink thingy. Was exhausted by Saturday. Luckily my new friend felt the same and wasn’t offended by the raincheck, so… phew…

Was away yesterday and apparently missed some tension flying all around our section at the bacon shop. Manage to catch up on the emails shot from the respective tension-ed folks. One word – funny. Maybe because I was not around when it was going on, but reading them today, made me laugh. Ah well. In the end I am sure that that there were no hard feelings. After all, the people in the “friendly” banter has been workmates for a good, few years now and I would like to think that on some level, we’re more like buddies than just workmates, you know what I mean? Then again, I could be wrong…

So what’s happening this weekend? It is going to be one busy weekend ahead, as usual. Thank god? I dunno. Guess it’s always good to be busy. I take such pleasure at telling people that I work 7 days a week now, but I dunno if that is a good thing to others’ ears though. Yea I know it doesn’t matter what people think but I had a regular correspondent/pen pal (haha… so retro) on the Face that somehow stopped corresponding after I told him about my part time stint. I guess some people find someone who has a part time job is not good enough to be their “pal”. Ah well… nothing lost there.

But yea, back to taking pleasure in it, I think it’s probably because this is still relatively new to me (just a few months in). I’ve already done the clubbing/hanging out/yam cha the weekend away thingy all these years, and this is definitely a change. A much more fulfilling one (fulfilling my purse, that is ~*ka-ching!) I’ll say…. at least for now. I am sure I’ll start whining about it one day, but not yet! You’ll know about it when I do

Back to weekend activities, let’s see, there’s the work thing tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday afternoon, and then there’s jlo’s wedding dress & favor hunt tomorrow morning which should (hopefully!) be fun! The last time I went with someone to look for a wedding dress was with my mom. We were looking for her wedding dress. Hehe…sounds odd eh? For those who dunno, my mom is actually stepmom. My own mommy passed on when I was 10. And seeing that I may never get to go hunting for my own dress – since I am stubbornly single but unavailable, it should be fun!

Speaking of which, why do the married/happily coupled like setting their friends up? It is me or is it annoying? You’re happy, woo hooo, yay, whatever… just stay out of my biznez, please? :p

Ok, ok, I know the intention’s good and nothing wrong with it really and in some cases, good even, for those being set up, but still mighty annoying nonetheless. Having said that, I might be going for a date Sunday evening (no, this is not a setup) - actually I am not sure if it’s a date, but what else do you call a dinner and drink thingy with a new friend? Hmm… dinner and drink thingy it is!

Anyways… have a great weekend all you lovely people (all 3 of you who reads this… haha). I am going to watch ze Swan Lake! Wee heee…

Ooh ooh, nearly forgotten this, did you read about Santas in OzLand being told not to say “Ho ho ho” anymore and had to use “ha ha ha” now because apparently “ho” is an American slang for hookers? Now how does one react to that? Ha ha ha ha ha… ha?  Stupid is as stupid does.

Gift. A seemingly simple word, gift. Wikipedia says that – “A gift or present is the transfer of something, without the need for compensation that is involved in trade. A gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return. Even though it involves possibly a social expectation of reciprocity, or a return in the form of prestige or power, a gift is meant to be free.”

Ok, what part of it did you take after reading the above? I am quite sure that most people will take the part about gift being “something, without the need for compensation… a voluntary act which does not require anything in return… yada yada” right?

Well for me unfortunately, I’ve just been hit, hard by the 3^rd sentence there. Yup, I should’ve known that the joy of receiving a lovely designer thingy as a souvenir from their vacation would be short lived one. And yup, the joy was indeed strangled and choked to the bones today. And I am pissed.

Wait… I can’t be sure. Am I pissed, or is this sadness, or… I dunno… I couldn’t tell and frankly right now, couldn’t care. Somebody just shoot me now… please?

Et’s wedding finally came and went last Sunday. I was supposed to attend the bridal march rehearsal last Thursday – yes, it is very important to practice walking through the hundred meter long aisle to avoid looking spastic on the actual day, but I didn’t. I was in bed that morning nursing my old bones after a night out. And nooo… toothache did not stop me from going out on a precious holiday eve, but old bones did stopped us from staying out late too though (apparently 1am is very late for us now). Yep, gone are my strong, youthful, stay up till later than 1am bones… sigh…

Anyways, I was saying, Et’s wedding was last Sunday - my first Christian wedding as a bridesmaid and you know, walking down the aisle IS scary especially if you slept in on the rehearsal. I am quite sure I looked spastic trying to sync my steps with the flower kids and the music while the bride hissed “slower” repeatedly behind me. Beautiful as the wedding was, I don’t think I’d mind giving the video a miss.

Anyways congrats again to the lovely Et & At! May your days be always filled with love, love, more love and joy!